Not ready for it..

He's upset because I can't say right now whether or not I'm thinking about marriage.  His real reason of moving is because his mom and him think that I won't ever be able to see him as my husband.  She says that because she said she's never seen a girl who dated a guy for so long, and not want to get married to him. I never said I didn't want to, I'm just not ready to.  So therefore, I don't think about it.  Is that a crime?  David says the longer we wait, the farther we'll fall apart.  If our love was that strong, we'd never fall apart because we weren't married.  Getting married is just another way to seal the deal and to finally claim me as "his".  I don't want to get married until I feel like me and the other person were mentally ready for a true commitment and that there would never be a love better than ours.  I'm just  not ready. Sheesh, I'm not even ready to get a real job in the real world. How could I be ready for marriage?  I told him there's no rush. He said he's not waiting past 3 years.  Was it wrong to ask him... why is he still here then? I told him the truth though.. if anyone ever caught his attention in MN.. I told him to tell me because I don't want to be the reason of holding back something that could turn into something beautiful.  And he said the same goes for me.

But really... is waiting to get married that horrible?  Or should I feel guilty for not thinking about marriage yet?  ... His mom doesn't think I fully love him.  HAHA. I laughed when he said that.. then started crying.  No one knows what me and david have gone through.  and the all the things I did for him for these past 6 years.  If he ever finds another girl who went through what I went through, I'd approve of her in less than a second.  I'm still here in this relationship because I love him! If I didn't, it would've ended a long time ago. . .

he says I'm messed up if I break up with him.
if i told him to stay.. he'd have to think about it.
having only 3 hours of two days during the week to see me isn't worth it.
he mine as well just move.
are we going to work a long distance relationship or what?
we'll bust a mona and lorzone..
too bad our relationship isn't as stable as theirs..
but i'll try. we'll see how far we go and how well we do.
one thing's for sure.. I'm going to study in South Korea/ or Japan.  And that's that.
He says it's different because he's only 9 hours away.. and Japan is across the seas.
Same difference, it's a long distance relationship.  . . . .

how to think, what to do, how to feel......


emily

So you're gone and i'm haunted

And i bet you are just fine

Did i make it that easy to walk

Right in and out of my life?